Farewell 2022

Cycle day 4

So another year gone. What can I say about 2022?

At first, as I started my annual end of year reflection process (which I’ve done every year for the past 8 years), I didn’t feel like I’d accomplished much especially compared with previous years. I kinda felt.. disappointed for not doing or achieving enough. I had nothing big to celebrate.

But then I remembered… I had very intentionally decided on the theme of JOY for 2022. And having a joy-filled year meant less doing, less achieving, less pushing.. and more play, more lightness, more ease, more nourishment.

In fact I had written this post on the 1st January:

“Looking forward to what may come in 2022.
🌟 Looking forward to being intentional with my time & energy.
🌟 Looking forward to choosing joy, nourishment, pleasure & play.
🌟 Looking forward to cultivating connection, creative expression & vitality.
🌟 Looking forward to more feminine receptivity and less striving or pushing.“

And this is what I prioritised. Intentional joy and way, WAY less striving and pushing.

I think that, in itself, is something to be proud of. Especially in a world that celebrates productivity and big achievements. There is constant pressure to do more, do it better and do it faster. So prioritising joy, slowing down and doing less is a radical act. I took months away from my @flowradiance instagram account (which definitely hurt my “engagement stats”) and I took an entire month off work to spend time reconnecting with my family and friends back home in Sydney, Australia.

It doesn’t feel sexy or shiny. But it is real self-care in action.

Speaking of real self-care, I am also proud of how I’ve advocated for my health this year and how I’ve prioritised caring for my body & mind through quality sleep, nutrition, movement and lifestyle. Because I firmly believe a joy-filled life begins with a healthy body!

I started the year with an official Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder diagnosis (which only took 25 years to get). I slowly healed my fractured ankle & got back to figure skating. I worked consistently on my physio exercises (at least for most of the year – boring and definitely unsexy but pretty effective at keeping me out of pain).

I educated myself and dialled in my nutrition, reducing inflammation in my body and finally moving the needle on one particularly stubborn symptom I’d been struggling with for years. I got serious with my sauna + cold plunge routine and my immune & metabolic health has never been better (despite the onset of perimenopause, which has a rep for causing all sorts of havoc on a woman’s health). I’ve only been off sick once this year and that was with covid.

I also prioritised my mental health and found an amazing therapist that really gets it. I’ve been working with her for the past 4 – 5 months to heal my past trauma and reframe unhelpful thought patterns with a compassion-focused, trauma-informed approach. I’m also currently in the process getting assessed for neurodiversity and will find out the results very soon!

My 2022 has involved a lot of internal work, which is why I haven’t been as externally focused as previous years. It was a year of havening, nurturing, tending to my needs as I excavated old wounds, rediscovering my inner belonging. All of which provides a strong foundation for where I want to go with 2023. Stay tuned. 😉

Flowing with my cyclic truth

Cycle day 8

Here I am at inner spring once again. This time round though I’m not feeling quite the same energy and oomph as I did last cycle. I know, I know, I had a rather busy inner winter. Between starting my bleed whilst on a trip to Gothenburg and the active week I had once back in London – I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised with this inner spring dip.

Sometimes life happens and you can’t rest during your bleed. But also, sometimes you just don’t feel like resting. I actually felt quite energised during my inner winter and so I went with the flow (pun intended lol).

I happened to travel back from Gothenburg on cycle day 1, then attended a 2.5 hour dance workshop on cycle day 2, I went to the sauna and met friends to dance in the park the following evening on cycle day 3, then met up with another girlfriend for dinner the evening after that on cycle day 4 and on cycle day 5 I went out dancing until 1am! Wowsers. Last week was probably my most social week this entire month. No wonder I’m tired now.

Yes I know as a menstrual cycle coach I often preach about resting during inner winter. But I am also an advocate of “breaking the rules”.. because you know what – there are no rules! There is only staying true to your cycle experience, because this is YOUR truth.

The only thing that matters is that you listen to your body.

My body was telling me she wanted to dance last week so I danced – a lot! And now my body is telling me she wants to rest and do some strength training to help stabilise my joints and manage my hypermobility pain. I don’t always get it right – in fact I get it wrong pretty often! But I try not to beat myself up about it and I try to learn from my mistakes.

I am constantly flowing with my cyclic truth – which includes my imperfections, mistakes, lessons, successes, growth. I accept all of these as part of my beautiful cyclical living journey. And that is my wish for you as well.

What lights me up

Cycle day 21

It’s a bank holiday Monday today in the UK and I’ve just had myself a lovely long weekend filled with activities that light me up. I’ve danced & roller skated in the sun, got my hair done, had a figure skating lesson and learned a new scary jump (which I actually managed to do off the barriers!) I’ve gone for yummy pancakes brunch with a cycle coach sister, had dinner with a good friend and in between all that, just slept a lot!

So now, in this transition from inner summer to inner autumn.. I just feel lit up. My heart and soul are nourished from prioritising the things that light me up and give me pleasure.

This nourishment fuels me. Gives me energy to share, to speak my truth, to connect with community. It gives me joy.

It fills me with gratitude – for the lovely weather this weekend, for the connection with my sisters, for my body’s amazing capabilities (even after years of pushing my body to it’s limits in my various artistic pursuits).

Sometimes I can lose sight of this. It can be easy to doubt myself, to lose confidence in my abilities, to compare my struggles with other peoples successes. Reminding myself to return to the things that light me up is something I have to do over and over. Learning how to prioritise these things within my cyclical nature is a life long journey. But it is how I ground myself! And I know I’m doing something right when I enter my inner autumn / premenstrual phase feeling like I’m coming home.

If you’re looking to come home to yourself, your body and rediscover what lights you up – I’d love to work with you! I’ve recently reopened my 1-1 coaching offerings and am now also open for single sessions as well as packages. The info is all on my website and I’m happy to book in a free discovery call.

Reconnecting with my inner maiden

Cycle day 8

And just like that.. my desire to dress up in pretty colours, wear a bit of make up and go out dancing returns!

Yes I am now back in the preovulatory phase of my cycle – my inner spring. And it does feel nice to reconnect with this feminine maiden energy.

I don’t always feel a connection with that rising maiden energy. Sometimes my preovulatory phase can feel really rough – I can feel tired, vulnerable, sensitive, withdrawn, depressed. But however I feel, I listen to my body. I honour where she’s at. If I’m tired, I rest. If I feel vulnerable/sensitive, I do something that feels comforting and nourishing to me. If I feel withdrawn, I don’t force myself to socialise. And if I feel depressed, I find solace in creative outlets like playing piano and expressing my emotions in music.

These are all things I’ve done in the past. But sometimes.. I really do feel the playful, uplifting, free energy of inner spring. So I put on a cute outfit, wear make up for the first time in yonks and go out dancing! That’s what I did the other day and it felt so nice to reconnect with that part of myself – allowing myself to be seen again, to shine my light, my radiance, my sensuality.

So now, the question is – where to focus this rising energy? I kinda want to do All The Things! It can be tempting to try.. but I know that path leads to burnout real quick. It can also make me feel frazzled and directionless – like I’m trying to do everything, then get all indecisive and end up doing nothing.

But I’ve had a pretty focused and productive morning already with my work and even checked off several admin tasks that have been sitting in my To Do list staring at me for weeks.. if not months. *cough*

So I think I will just celebrate what I HAVE accomplished today. Save a little of that inner spring action-taking energy for tomorrow eh.

Is that you, Cycle Day 1?

Cycle Day 30 / 1

I am teetering on the edge of menstruation. Where I can feel the shift in my womb – the sense of heaviness, a slight ache.. I know my bleed is imminent. But it hasn’t quite started yet. I’ve been spotting here and there for a couple days but not yet started my full flow.

I know it’s close. I feel my body and energy drawing inwards in preparation. That deeply yin energy, the sense of just wanting to be alone, in quietness and rest. My partner is talking too much. Suddenly feeling so tired that I just needed a 30 minute nap in the middle of the day.

It’s a noticeable shift from the prior few days. I tend to close out the last days of my premenstruum with a bit of a bang. I get this little surge in energy before it’s curtains closed. And I’ve always enjoyed this boost – I like to call it my “indian summer” (if you live in UK you’ll know what I mean – it’s where you get a final few days/weeks of warmer weather during autumn before heading towards the depths of winter).

I used to try to stay in that little energy high instead of surrendering to my winter. But that often left me feeling depleted and tired come inner spring. Now I welcome my winter, my bleed – I actually look forward to entering my period cave because I know it is MY time. My time to restore and nourish my body, heart and mind. Honouring my cyclical nature, allowing my energy to ebb and flow with my inner seasons has been so healing for me. Helping me stay in touch with my body and my feminine energy. Helping me soften in a world that often incites rigidity and hardness.

Random thought earlier this morning whilst I took a walk round my local park – if knowledge is power, then self-knowledge is self-empowerment. Being in touch with my cycle and my body enhances my self-knowledge, and this becomes self-empowerment. The power to advocate for my body, my health, my boundaries, my needs, my desires and my joys. And the power to believe that I am worthy of all these things.

Finding peace amidst the chaos

Cycle day 25

Ahhh inner autumn. AKA the pre-menstruum. The most renowned phase of the cycle. Sometimes I totally rock this phase, fuelled by my wild woman truth-telling fire and creative energy. Other times.. it can be a struggle. These past few days have been kinda rough – getting less sleep (actually I notice this part of my cycle almost always has the worst sleep – completely independent of my coffee intake) and a growing sense of overwhelm and chaos. My mind has just been constantly whirling away with chaotic energy.

Thinking about all the things I need to do, organise, fix, start, finish. That life-editing, detail oriented energy was definitely at play these past few days.. and honestly, sometimes it can get a bit TOO MUCH.

So come this morning, I knew what I had to do. It was time to visit the sauna and get me some hot/cold contrast therapy!

Blissfully walking home from the sauna

What a reset it gives. It’s like pressing the imaginary insta-boost button if I had one! Boosting my mood, boosting my energy, boosting my mental clarity.

Sweating it out in the sauna used to be my favourite part, but recently, I started really loving the ice cold plunge. Seriously. I actually genuinely love ice baths now! The one I use is a very chilly 4 deg C and at first I was only able to stay in for 10-20 sec max! At first it actually felt painful. But my body adapted and now I’ve started craving it. I’m definitely addicted. Of course I also love the various health benefits – improved metabolic health & immune system, detoxification, better sleep, reduced inflammation, mental health benefits etc etc.

Anyway, so here I am back at home, feeling totally relaxed and blissed out. (Hello progesterone? Is that you?) And just feeling much more me again – present, calm, embodied.

Hmm.. I think I’m defo gonna sleep like a baby tonight. So on that note, I’m off to bed. Good night!

Inner summer joys

Cycle day 14

I had a really good day today. It’s a sunny, summery Saturday and I got to do one of my current favourite things this morning: figure skating.

Despite having only skated once in the past two months, and fully expecting myself to suck ass today, I surprised myself by having a really good sesh. My jumps felt lighter and easier. AND I managed to unlock a new skill that had been eluding me for months (see the above gif for a demo and my amazed facial expression afterwards lol).

But of course – I am currently on cycle day 14.

This isn’t the first time I’ve returned to some physical activity on one of my peak cycle days (ie the ovulatory phase, aka inner summer) after having had time off for a while, fully expecting to suck at said activity, and surprising myself by outdoing past PB’s, up-levelling in some way, or it just feeling really easy.

But it shouldn’t surprise me, because I know that when my hormones (estrogen in particular) are high, I am physically primed and ready to for action! I wrote a Medium article about it if you’re interested in delving deeper into why this is the case.

Anyway, I am giving myself full permission to enjoy the giddy joys of inner summer. Plus am taking advantage of this extra energy to be productive and move a few projects forward. Like this blog!

Hello World

Cycle day 5

Hello there! Welcome to my new blog: Musings of Kazz.

I’ve decided to return to my blogging roots. I first started blogging waaaaay back in the early 2000s. God, I can’t believe that was 20 years ago. *instantly feels old*

Anyway, blogging and pen-to-paper journalling (before the age of the internet) has always been a way for me to express myself since I was a tender teen. It’s how I processed my thoughts and feelings. So it is no surprise that when I discovered menstrual cycle journalling in 2015, I immediately loved the idea.

I’ve decided to try combining these two things into one, as a way to both process and share. To allow myself to be seen, authentically, with vulnerability, because this is how we connect. By allowing our whole, messy selves to be seen. And perhaps someone out there will resonate with something on here.

So on this cycle day 5, as I have been marinating on ideas, visions, dreams and possibilities during my bleed over the past few days, I decided to take action on this one idea. Honestly, it feels a little scary but I decided to take the plunge as I was sick of having these ideas swirling in my head with nowhere to go!

I’ve been feeling a bit scattered, anxious and more than a little overwhelmed by the increasing pressure to do all the things. It’s at this time of cycle, these crossover days from inner winter to inner spring, where I can feel a sense of frustration with having big ideas and inspiration but not enough energy to enact on them just yet. Throw in my multi-passionate interests which also pull me in different directions, et voila.. instant overwhelm!

I’m sure it’s not helped by the fact that I am STILL bleeding quite heavily on day 5. A change to my cycle that I’ve noticed over the past year – my bleeds have gotten a little heavier and a little longer, which I’m aware is a sign of the beginnings of perimenopause. The beauty of cycle charting over the past 7 years is that I know when things are changing because I know what is normal for me. Body literacy and self-knowledge FTW!

So here I am blogging about all this instead of doing other work tasks that I probably should be doing. I guess there is a lesson in that also somewhere but my brain is too scattered to figure it out right now. Maybe it’ll come to me another day, but for now, it is what it is!